“Am I going to look Smart? Would they consider my tools stupid? What if I make some mistake?”
These questions were going through my mind the day before I was to meet “Paul”, the psychologist expert at university , to talk about procrastination.
I had conducted a first customer discovery process two weeks ago, and many people had found my tactics weird, simple, and useful. “That would be great if you could showcase your expertise to”Paul” to help more people,” someone had suggested handling me Paul’s contact .
“Youppi, I would have my ideas criticized and get deep feedback from a professional”. I had dreamed of such an opportunity for a month and was eager to face “Paul”.
However, as the day was fast approaching, things slowly changed. “I am not ready yet”, “I need to make some improvements”, “my presentation is not good enough, I should practice more”.
At that time, I hadn’t conducted any workshop and was clueless about which format to use. I had been doing in-depth personal research in the fields of productivity for two years, but I didn’t have a degree in the field of psychology.
“Perhaps we should send an email to cancel this meeting? We will have plenty of other opportunities like that”, My procrastinator mind suggested. “We need to get better; It is not so bad if we postpone it. There is no need to screw up our first impression”, My procrastinator mind emphasized.
But I didn’t listen to him, I went to the meeting and delivered despite my insecurities. Here is how.
What is the problem?
Lesson 1: Perfectionism hold chronic procrastinators from getting started or finished.
Behind perfectionism, there is a fear of rejection. The rejection can be due to failure, criticism and judgment from other people. We want our output to be of a high standard to make sure others will appreciate us. It isn’t wrong to have a high standard, but it becomes a massive problem if it holds you back from getting started.
It generally happens in two cases:·
-When we must deliver something to someone we respect (a VIP)·
-When we must provide something to many people (many mini- VIP)
So, before you start or finish a job, ask yourself: “Who are the people that will receive my job? Who are my clients for this”. If you are in one of the cases above, then suspect perfectionism if you postpone a task.
Lesson 2: Having knowledge and sharing this knowledge is different.
We mistake that because we know something, it will be easy to explain it.
There are many intermediate steps in between, which involve going back and forward before we find an appropriate way to present our ideas.
These improvements come along the way when we are practicing instead of daydreaming.
Therefore, we should allow ourselves to fail, to make a mistake.
Lesson 3: chronic procrastinator miss a lot of opportunities because of their perfectionism.
If you have been working on something for an extended period, what is the point if you can’t articulate your ideas in front of other people? It can be a huge obstacle for your career.
-When we are in a conversation, and we hesitate to ask a relevant question to avoid feeling stupid·
-When we are in a brainstorming meeting and wait to share our thoughts because we are not sure it is smart enough·
-When we are in a networking event and prefer to hide a divergent point of view because there is an authority in the group.·
-When we are on a date and defer our decision to kiss or touch the other person because we are waiting for the planets to be aligned.
To top it off, we heard everywhere: “learn how to do XXX confidently in XXX days “. This combines to shape our view in a perfect context that will never happen. What we need instead, is a system that allows us to act, even if we feel insecure and anxious.
Solution: Untangle negative emotions into play
Technique 1: Accept the possibility you are going to fail
The principle is simple. You repeat out loud that you are going to fail, and you mention accurately why you think you will be perceived as stupid.
Once you have accepted the consequences of failure as a possibility, Fear and Shame become powerless temporarily.
This will remove a massive burden off your shoulders in less than 5 min.
The process goes like this:
Step 1: Build a sentence that makes you feel guilty
Step 2: repeat this sentence at least 23 times
In my case: I repeated, “I accept that Paul will perceive me as an imposter because I lack credentials.”
The more you are accurate about the reason why you think you will project a bad image, the more this method is effective.
“I accept that I will be perceived as an imposter because I don’t have any diploma in the fields, I don’t have any book yet, I don’t have the experience, I don’t speak English well, I don’t have XXX”
Technique 2: Focus on the value you add to the audience.
The principle is to narrow down the area of your focus. The emotion of judgment, shame mostly arise from your projection of how people will react after you act.
So, you want to restrict and maintain your awareness on your actions, not on the reaction. Your confidence in your actions producing a considerable value will be higher than your fear of making some mistakes along the way. This creates a sense of detachment that prevent you from triggering too many worries about what others think. You will become laser-focused in less than 5 -7 min.
The process goes like this: (repeat out loud 20 times)
Step 1: What aren’t you here for?
I am not here to be liked.·
I am not here to look smart.·
I am not here to receive Validation.
Step 2: What is the primary reason you are on the stage now?
I am here to solve the problem of XXX·
I am here to speak my truth about problem YYY·
I am here to provide another perspective about topic ZZZ.
Step 3: What is your conviction in the belief that your action will help Audience AAA?
Lack of productivity due to Procrastination is the root of a deep pain underestimated.
At the core of themselves, High procrastinators don’ t trust in themselves anymore. They have huge goals, many ideas, but are unable to execute to make their plan a reality.
I am sure it is a real issue that many people are suffering from because I have talked to a lot of people who feel depressed.·
I want to provide tools to help ambitious procrastinators to follow their hearts. It starts by accepting you have a problem and finding solutions.
I don’t care if my advices look weird if it helps plenty of people. I hope it will inspire them to do more
Heudou Tchihikou Aubin
A master chronic procrastinator who chose to execute on his dreams because of frustration and self-criticism
Indomitable Lion
I can agree more, the best way to learn according to me is to try, fail and learn learn about that experience…[I can’t believe, i’m actually saying that]
Indomitable Lion
I can’t agree*